Fixing the loose ends.

    As April looms to a closing end, I look back and realize I have to hurry it up. Since January up to now I have been slowly working out various issues. I thought I would have it all pat down by February but that is not the case. I am still struggling with school because of my lack of energy. This results in me not being able to focus properly and is the same reason why I have not kept up with my exercise program because of the physical drain.

    When you spend whatever last bit of energy you contain in keeping yourself afloat. Trying to ward of cravings, the body wanting to eat because it feels like it does not have enough energy, Fighting past it and making progress. I just hope that it isn't too late to fix it all. With the way schools and jobs are based on such specifics. It feels disheartened to try cause I've pretty much trashed my transcript over and over and over. However, my passion to learn and taking schooling won't burn out any time soon.

    Everyone goes through different ups and downs. Different reasons behind them which sometimes makes a simple problem become a bigger one; more than it should. Our mental psyche comes into question when presented with said problems. Our personal values come into effect and how we have interacted with the problem or person(s).

I have very few close friends and even then there are not many I share certain personal details with. I can be a really weird person at times and a bit unusual when I'm run down and low on energy.

Start of a good trend.

    Since the start of Feburary I have been making the effort to put my plan that I have been trying to widdle and work at for many years. One of my biggest problems is never getting enough sleep and this has been an issue for a very long time. Staying up through gaming did not help and it often kept me awake which prevented me from falling asleep right away. Not to fret though as I have ended most of my nights at around 1030 and settle down by 1130. Everything has been shaping up pretty well for me, truth be told. I have had some ups and downs that have really gotten me down but I am fighting through it like usual.


    I have fantastic friends and honestly, without them, without the people I have met over the years; all this would have been really hard. My family and my friends have been my support but the biggest of them all, is of course, my parents. They have given me everything I need to work through my troubles. Ensuring that my quality of happiness is present. 2010 and 2011 probably marked a turning point in my emotional and health well-being. I was all over the place and I could not focus properly. The strange part is that as I think into the past, I was so entangled in being alone and not having close friends at the time I grew extremely attached to someone who was once very close to me.Long story short, this left me very troubled and unfocused with my studies and personal life.


    Comes New Years of 2012 I stay down with myself and cracked open all my journals that I wrote in during the course of the two years. My rants, my emotional offload, my day (when I did write in them) to day thoughts and told myself that it is time to move on. The past is the past once again and we all have to move forward.
Since the start of the new year I have taken on a more indicative self-confidence and it has worked out. Being  confident in yourself allows yourself to put trust into your choices. Taking those steps and pushing yourself forward grows you stronger. Take what you have learned through your experiences and apply it forward. Don't let it waddle you down. It has been a busy and rough start but I have been getting my sleep in and sorting out all the different issues that accumulated to my various emotional states. However, this year has been a clean and very fresh start. I have made many different improvements and constantly reminding myself to put myself first. Friends will understand when you say no to them that you cannot join them or if you have prior obligations. I spend less time worrying about that now.


    The key ingredient is staying positive and keeping your head high. We all go through our various emotional states and problems. One needs to find time between all the chaos to sit down and review the past and the present. Think about how you can change and grow from what has happened. Sometimes we will continue to stride into the same watery situations but that is alright because we want to try. The question and test is how we handle the aftermath. Moving along, I am preparing to make some major changes and it will involve in me being more productive. Resisting the urge to game at night and getting work done.

How is everyone else doing for the new year?.



Austin

Waves

Climbing forward little by little.
It isn't easy when you're constantly fighting with yourself.
Old habits are really hard to break and over the course of the last two years it has been a lot of up and downs.
Don't think it would have been possible without the great and loving support of my family and friends.

There has been a lot of ups and downs but things are definitely going forward now. Chipping away at it little by little. School is coming along and studies and readings have been doing well. Sluggish in keeping off the gaming though but improving in comparison to before. I need to shape up the studying as things are going to start getting busy.

NERD MODE ON!.


Austin

Blargh?

Couldn't get to sleep last night for some reason. Not sure why, maybe too many thoughts on my head. Trying to adjust to my 2200 hour sleeping schedule is hard.

Austin

Ding dong.

   I start school tomorrow and I look forward to a fresh new year. I have reconnected with old friends and I hope for something more to grow from the friendship. All in all, 2011 was a long and tough year. It involved a lot of up and down moments and I had a very terrible start to my 2011 year. I took the year off so I could re-coup and try to take my mind off things. Sort out myself psychologically and work out the various issues I had. They still exist but my mind is in a better mindset then before and tomorrow will be the first step into this new reality I am going to try to work at.

   I hope I am ready to take this on again but I am starting things light just like before. Give yourself too much on one plate and you'll mess it all up. Probably add some more to this later.
I wish everyone best of wishes for the days to come.

Hoping to tentatively get into bed by around 2200. (10:00PM)


Austin