A new step forward

You know, I think this is the first time in a while that I watch something mushy that I don't feel lost or segregated from my feelings.

Who knows how long that will stay but I think moving on from the past and meeting someone new, hoping that meeting someone new can take things in a new direction. I think after all these years, a renewed feeling has finally set in place. This may be a short time feeling but I feel like there is that emptiness is no longer there. Although nothing is official yet and she has yet to decide whether or not things will go further or not; it makes me smile and feel warm knowing that she knows I care. Being with someone who has an emotional instability is difficult and tricky. I have been there many times and it doesn’t always end well. Long distance relationships don’t work out because the lack of physical contact or not being able to spend time together creates a very large gap in between the two.

Even if things end up not going well and it has to stay as a friendship; a part of me is settling with the past and the energy that is pushing me forward is there to keep me supported. Finding my ground again and relinking myself to new friends and rebuilding friendships with old friends is always helpful. It has been a few long years but I look forward to stepping out of the darkness that once kept me all balled up. 2010 and 2011 were some pretty rough years, however, I am moving my way through it now and it is a really good feeling and place of mind.

I look forward to what the days to come hold for me. I have settled with the reality and facts of it now. If you want to slip away and no longer be friends that is fine by me. I can’t just keep trying to care and want to be hopeful of restoring a friendship that was never meant to hold. As I look through the past and the present; the way you and I are, we would eventually clash. We don’t think of things the same way and I will eventually pick at you for the short sightedness of things. That is where I leave off and start this new road and chapter.

Positive energy

Around the start of the Summer I started trying to get into bed early.Throughout the years one of my biggest problem is sleep deprivation. The lack of sleep pulls me down and lets the emotional stress get in. Which leads to a cycle of not getting proper sleep, feeling worn out and not being able to do anything. However, things have been doing better in the recent months 

and getting into bed early has provided a much needed boost in energy.

It is a enjoyable feeling having my mind back on track. I do not feel as flustered or empty on a regular basis. Getting up in the mornings and enjoying the wake up, making breakfast and the lot is very relaxing. Restoring my energy has been a top priority for years and I am very happy to be on the right track now. Onward to some news.

In the last two months I've had a few slow moments but it has also been filled with some good events happening throughout the month. For the people who know me, I play paintball quite a bit on the weekends but I also help promote a local company here in Vancouver, BC that sells paintball markers. Ever since they released their new flagship marker the MILSIG Paradigm Pro, I have been working on reviews, details and general information for the marker itself and helping promote the niche market of magazine-fed play within the paintball community which has been very exciting for me. It is the first time I am getting into doing some reviews and interviews by video and testing out on how to do reviews or instructables via my DSLR. I look forward to doing more and hope to pick up some sponsorships from MILSIG for events.

All in all, post-summer season is coming along and all I have to do now is keep up with school work and exercise and the rest will be smooth sailing. All the best! 

Burning blubber!

    Past month has been blubber burning! It feels really great and it is really nice to slowly tune myself and get back into shape. Look forward to the rest of the year and with school coming. :).

A positive outlook for the day.

    Today was filled with some decent productivity. Did some studying and worked on a logo for an engraving that will be done in about a month or so. However, I am a little bit worried about the complex details in such a small area.

Anyways, I had a good day today. Went for a decent round on the exercise bike then went off for a shower and a bath. I am rather relaxed this evening, I think I am going to wrap it up and call it a night soon. Got to keep the energy going and roll with it. Probably will write something an article up tomorrow and think about plans for the rest of the month.

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. Fireworks at the end of the month! Photo time!.

Good night,
Shroker

Fixing the loose ends.

    As April looms to a closing end, I look back and realize I have to hurry it up. Since January up to now I have been slowly working out various issues. I thought I would have it all pat down by February but that is not the case. I am still struggling with school because of my lack of energy. This results in me not being able to focus properly and is the same reason why I have not kept up with my exercise program because of the physical drain.

    When you spend whatever last bit of energy you contain in keeping yourself afloat. Trying to ward of cravings, the body wanting to eat because it feels like it does not have enough energy, Fighting past it and making progress. I just hope that it isn't too late to fix it all. With the way schools and jobs are based on such specifics. It feels disheartened to try cause I've pretty much trashed my transcript over and over and over. However, my passion to learn and taking schooling won't burn out any time soon.

    Everyone goes through different ups and downs. Different reasons behind them which sometimes makes a simple problem become a bigger one; more than it should. Our mental psyche comes into question when presented with said problems. Our personal values come into effect and how we have interacted with the problem or person(s).

I have very few close friends and even then there are not many I share certain personal details with. I can be a really weird person at times and a bit unusual when I'm run down and low on energy.

Start of a good trend.

    Since the start of Feburary I have been making the effort to put my plan that I have been trying to widdle and work at for many years. One of my biggest problems is never getting enough sleep and this has been an issue for a very long time. Staying up through gaming did not help and it often kept me awake which prevented me from falling asleep right away. Not to fret though as I have ended most of my nights at around 1030 and settle down by 1130. Everything has been shaping up pretty well for me, truth be told. I have had some ups and downs that have really gotten me down but I am fighting through it like usual.


    I have fantastic friends and honestly, without them, without the people I have met over the years; all this would have been really hard. My family and my friends have been my support but the biggest of them all, is of course, my parents. They have given me everything I need to work through my troubles. Ensuring that my quality of happiness is present. 2010 and 2011 probably marked a turning point in my emotional and health well-being. I was all over the place and I could not focus properly. The strange part is that as I think into the past, I was so entangled in being alone and not having close friends at the time I grew extremely attached to someone who was once very close to me.Long story short, this left me very troubled and unfocused with my studies and personal life.


    Comes New Years of 2012 I stay down with myself and cracked open all my journals that I wrote in during the course of the two years. My rants, my emotional offload, my day (when I did write in them) to day thoughts and told myself that it is time to move on. The past is the past once again and we all have to move forward.
Since the start of the new year I have taken on a more indicative self-confidence and it has worked out. Being  confident in yourself allows yourself to put trust into your choices. Taking those steps and pushing yourself forward grows you stronger. Take what you have learned through your experiences and apply it forward. Don't let it waddle you down. It has been a busy and rough start but I have been getting my sleep in and sorting out all the different issues that accumulated to my various emotional states. However, this year has been a clean and very fresh start. I have made many different improvements and constantly reminding myself to put myself first. Friends will understand when you say no to them that you cannot join them or if you have prior obligations. I spend less time worrying about that now.


    The key ingredient is staying positive and keeping your head high. We all go through our various emotional states and problems. One needs to find time between all the chaos to sit down and review the past and the present. Think about how you can change and grow from what has happened. Sometimes we will continue to stride into the same watery situations but that is alright because we want to try. The question and test is how we handle the aftermath. Moving along, I am preparing to make some major changes and it will involve in me being more productive. Resisting the urge to game at night and getting work done.

How is everyone else doing for the new year?.



Austin

Wondering

    Hold our heads high and think positively when we can.Trying to get into bed early is not as easy as it shapes up to be. Still having some issues saying no to people when I should get going. Today is going to be busy as I have to study for m test on Monday. Last weekend to be lazy then got to get into full gear.

Good luck everyone,
Austin