A happy smile for the day

I am a pretty mushy and affectionate person. Sometimes this gets me into trouble because it builds up and it just wants to go flying everywhere. It tends to happen when I have feelings for someone and I see a possible opportunity.It is like a flow of energy that just swooshes out and wants to wrap around someone. I often worry that I may be a bother or if my texts are bothering said person. It can be hard sometimes to know whether you are being bothersome or not. Texts can be unreliable at times where they don't receive it or that they are busy and simply not able to respond.

I met a girl sometime in summer and to keep things short this little trip will be a interesting and complex one.I honestly can say though that I am happy when she is around. Although nothing is official I notice the little things that subtly pull us together. It has given me a good chance to take things slowly and work out the little details. The challenges to pursue this relationship is unique in its own form to the typical trend. I feel confident  about this and where things are going though. I find it hard being friends with girls. Not something I do well. I think mainly because of me wanting to be affectionate with someone and being friends often at times its cause we get along well and it leads me into wanting to search for more. The result of not having things go my way and its sub-consciously stuck there in my mind. I am; emotionally strong willed I think. Despite all the bad luck and pretty apparent emotional let downs i've been through I have never thought "I'm going to stop dating" or "I give up" or "It is not worth while". I am the type of person who likes to spend my time with someone special and have what I call my happy aura. I like sharing that energy and being able to see that person happy and smile is always a warm feeling.

A smile is a reminder that we are feeling well and are not stuck thinking about the bothersome things in the back of our minds. A smile sweeps away all the stress and unhappy things. I had a pretty good day yesterday being able to play Paintball and seeing someone special has turned a slow week into a better one. To find myself happy in the affection side of the department is something I have longed for and I hope for the best in this pursuit. She surely makes me smile when I am around her.

Hugs!!! <3.
Best thing ever.

A little trip to the aquarium.

I went to the aquarium with the girl today and we had a lot of fun. It is a lot of fun going to the aquarium after so many years. They have added a few things and improved the building. I am genuinely quite pleased and happy going to the aquarium with someone that I have enjoyed meeting and spending time with.

I definitely feel more positive in addition to the things that have been happening. Things are stepping forward and I'm hoping I can pull through for my school work. I am overall happy! :). It is good to have this feeling especially after the previous years of hectic chaos.

I enjoyed spending the afternoon with her at the aquarium and its always great being able to play paintball with her! I am hoping for the best and want to see things go well for us.

African Penguins at the Vancouver Aquarium.

Diet and study

I wake up this morning hungry and tired. I have a chapter test for one of my Math classes this Thursday and I am not entirely prepared for it. I have one day to study for it but I also have my Comp Sci assignments to finish up. I have to step it up and get cranking. Half way through this semester and this is where I have constantly burnt out in my previous semesters. Time to toss my headphones on and get my game face going.

For the past year or so, frankly for the past several years I have been trying to cut back on my diet and I think I am finding the right foot hold now to buckle down on it. Things are going in the right direction for me. I hope to buckle down and bring my class grades up and that will make me super happy.

This week I am attempting to stick to smaller portions and even smaller rice portions. Rice is my bane as it is very easy to over eat and not burn it off. However, if I can pull this off I will be happy.Must resist the temptation of food!

I look forward to getting the grind through and study the material well enough for my exam on Thursday and next Tuesday. Then in two weeks, Lindsey Stirling concert. I am pretty excited for it.

A positive outlook for the day.

    Today was filled with some decent productivity. Did some studying and worked on a logo for an engraving that will be done in about a month or so. However, I am a little bit worried about the complex details in such a small area.

Anyways, I had a good day today. Went for a decent round on the exercise bike then went off for a shower and a bath. I am rather relaxed this evening, I think I am going to wrap it up and call it a night soon. Got to keep the energy going and roll with it. Probably will write something an article up tomorrow and think about plans for the rest of the month.

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. Fireworks at the end of the month! Photo time!.

Good night,
Shroker

Fixing the loose ends.

    As April looms to a closing end, I look back and realize I have to hurry it up. Since January up to now I have been slowly working out various issues. I thought I would have it all pat down by February but that is not the case. I am still struggling with school because of my lack of energy. This results in me not being able to focus properly and is the same reason why I have not kept up with my exercise program because of the physical drain.

    When you spend whatever last bit of energy you contain in keeping yourself afloat. Trying to ward of cravings, the body wanting to eat because it feels like it does not have enough energy, Fighting past it and making progress. I just hope that it isn't too late to fix it all. With the way schools and jobs are based on such specifics. It feels disheartened to try cause I've pretty much trashed my transcript over and over and over. However, my passion to learn and taking schooling won't burn out any time soon.

    Everyone goes through different ups and downs. Different reasons behind them which sometimes makes a simple problem become a bigger one; more than it should. Our mental psyche comes into question when presented with said problems. Our personal values come into effect and how we have interacted with the problem or person(s).

I have very few close friends and even then there are not many I share certain personal details with. I can be a really weird person at times and a bit unusual when I'm run down and low on energy.

Start of a good trend.

    Since the start of Feburary I have been making the effort to put my plan that I have been trying to widdle and work at for many years. One of my biggest problems is never getting enough sleep and this has been an issue for a very long time. Staying up through gaming did not help and it often kept me awake which prevented me from falling asleep right away. Not to fret though as I have ended most of my nights at around 1030 and settle down by 1130. Everything has been shaping up pretty well for me, truth be told. I have had some ups and downs that have really gotten me down but I am fighting through it like usual.


    I have fantastic friends and honestly, without them, without the people I have met over the years; all this would have been really hard. My family and my friends have been my support but the biggest of them all, is of course, my parents. They have given me everything I need to work through my troubles. Ensuring that my quality of happiness is present. 2010 and 2011 probably marked a turning point in my emotional and health well-being. I was all over the place and I could not focus properly. The strange part is that as I think into the past, I was so entangled in being alone and not having close friends at the time I grew extremely attached to someone who was once very close to me.Long story short, this left me very troubled and unfocused with my studies and personal life.


    Comes New Years of 2012 I stay down with myself and cracked open all my journals that I wrote in during the course of the two years. My rants, my emotional offload, my day (when I did write in them) to day thoughts and told myself that it is time to move on. The past is the past once again and we all have to move forward.
Since the start of the new year I have taken on a more indicative self-confidence and it has worked out. Being  confident in yourself allows yourself to put trust into your choices. Taking those steps and pushing yourself forward grows you stronger. Take what you have learned through your experiences and apply it forward. Don't let it waddle you down. It has been a busy and rough start but I have been getting my sleep in and sorting out all the different issues that accumulated to my various emotional states. However, this year has been a clean and very fresh start. I have made many different improvements and constantly reminding myself to put myself first. Friends will understand when you say no to them that you cannot join them or if you have prior obligations. I spend less time worrying about that now.


    The key ingredient is staying positive and keeping your head high. We all go through our various emotional states and problems. One needs to find time between all the chaos to sit down and review the past and the present. Think about how you can change and grow from what has happened. Sometimes we will continue to stride into the same watery situations but that is alright because we want to try. The question and test is how we handle the aftermath. Moving along, I am preparing to make some major changes and it will involve in me being more productive. Resisting the urge to game at night and getting work done.

How is everyone else doing for the new year?.



Austin

Wondering

    Hold our heads high and think positively when we can.Trying to get into bed early is not as easy as it shapes up to be. Still having some issues saying no to people when I should get going. Today is going to be busy as I have to study for m test on Monday. Last weekend to be lazy then got to get into full gear.

Good luck everyone,
Austin

Waves

Climbing forward little by little.
It isn't easy when you're constantly fighting with yourself.
Old habits are really hard to break and over the course of the last two years it has been a lot of up and downs.
Don't think it would have been possible without the great and loving support of my family and friends.

There has been a lot of ups and downs but things are definitely going forward now. Chipping away at it little by little. School is coming along and studies and readings have been doing well. Sluggish in keeping off the gaming though but improving in comparison to before. I need to shape up the studying as things are going to start getting busy.

NERD MODE ON!.


Austin

0730 Wake-up

I managed to get up at 0730 (7:30AM) this morning but I slept at 1 so kind of off and I have paintball today. That could be an issue.

Gotta go back , shower and shave.

No time to finish this post hahaha.

Take care all!.

Blargh?

Couldn't get to sleep last night for some reason. Not sure why, maybe too many thoughts on my head. Trying to adjust to my 2200 hour sleeping schedule is hard.

Austin

Ding dong.

   I start school tomorrow and I look forward to a fresh new year. I have reconnected with old friends and I hope for something more to grow from the friendship. All in all, 2011 was a long and tough year. It involved a lot of up and down moments and I had a very terrible start to my 2011 year. I took the year off so I could re-coup and try to take my mind off things. Sort out myself psychologically and work out the various issues I had. They still exist but my mind is in a better mindset then before and tomorrow will be the first step into this new reality I am going to try to work at.

   I hope I am ready to take this on again but I am starting things light just like before. Give yourself too much on one plate and you'll mess it all up. Probably add some more to this later.
I wish everyone best of wishes for the days to come.

Hoping to tentatively get into bed by around 2200. (10:00PM)


Austin

Here is to a new start.

Here is a new start to 2012. A brand new year and the clock is ticking. The previous year was a chance to wrap things up and its time to get things on the move.

This place will act as my journal and where I will write my journal content when I sit down and open it up to post them in this collective world. Don't fret though, The Journey of Shroker is the main site and is sort of not connected with this blog but I will have a link on there to here. My main blog is, well my main blog.

This will grow with my just like Xanga grows with me. Over the days and months we will look back and think "Those are the times".

Anyways, time to go to the bank. Thought I would whip something up as a introductory post. As most of the posts people find here will be in the first person view.

Its usually only the posts I write as a "blog post" I will likely share to my page.

Happy New Yesrs everyone!


Austin