Outlook for the month

Things have been going pretty well for me lately and I am quite happy. My mental and emotional health is doing pretty good for the most part and is a lot more stable than it was at the start of the year. Things are shaping up for me and it makes me quite happy to see progress in my life.

I start working at MILSIG Paintball Industries after my final exams are finished. I look forward to helping the company expand their product line up and drive the company forward in its growth.

I sit there as the night slowly ticks away and think of what to write.  I have three days to cram for my finals at the end then I can swing away and hope for the best.

I am happy that I am feeling more stable and positive about myself. I have met someone interesting and fun to be with whom I get to paintball with on the weekends when we have the time.

I look forward to the future and I hope for the best. I am enjoying my evenings with my overly expensive but lovely headphone. I will talk more about the completion (for the time being and for a while I suppose :P). of my audio setup.

Musical love.

Hugs!!! <3.
Best thing ever.

A little trip to the aquarium.

I went to the aquarium with the girl today and we had a lot of fun. It is a lot of fun going to the aquarium after so many years. They have added a few things and improved the building. I am genuinely quite pleased and happy going to the aquarium with someone that I have enjoyed meeting and spending time with.

I definitely feel more positive in addition to the things that have been happening. Things are stepping forward and I'm hoping I can pull through for my school work. I am overall happy! :). It is good to have this feeling especially after the previous years of hectic chaos.

I enjoyed spending the afternoon with her at the aquarium and its always great being able to play paintball with her! I am hoping for the best and want to see things go well for us.

African Penguins at the Vancouver Aquarium.

Other peoples drama

The ex of the brother of the girl I like live in the same house. Recently, it would seem the drama has gotten worse which has led said brother to remove me from Facebook. I barely know the ex so I don't quite see how I can be associated with the person except for the fact I have her on Facebook too.

Anyways, long story short, I can only hope this doesn't effect the relationship/friendship I have going with the girl. Things have been going well and I will be an upset camper if this silly drama gets in the way.

What does one do when other peoples drama may effect you? Nothing really, you can only hope for the best  and see how things unfold. All I can do is stay level headed and just ignore it. Not like anybody mentions it to me much anyways.




On the other note, hopefully getting to go to Science World on Sunday! Nothing official yet but hey, I'm in no rush and taking things one step at a time is usually the best way to approach things. I have not been to Science World for a long time either. It should be fun! Expensive entry cost though yikes.

Diet and study

I wake up this morning hungry and tired. I have a chapter test for one of my Math classes this Thursday and I am not entirely prepared for it. I have one day to study for it but I also have my Comp Sci assignments to finish up. I have to step it up and get cranking. Half way through this semester and this is where I have constantly burnt out in my previous semesters. Time to toss my headphones on and get my game face going.

For the past year or so, frankly for the past several years I have been trying to cut back on my diet and I think I am finding the right foot hold now to buckle down on it. Things are going in the right direction for me. I hope to buckle down and bring my class grades up and that will make me super happy.

This week I am attempting to stick to smaller portions and even smaller rice portions. Rice is my bane as it is very easy to over eat and not burn it off. However, if I can pull this off I will be happy.Must resist the temptation of food!

I look forward to getting the grind through and study the material well enough for my exam on Thursday and next Tuesday. Then in two weeks, Lindsey Stirling concert. I am pretty excited for it.

A new step forward

You know, I think this is the first time in a while that I watch something mushy that I don't feel lost or segregated from my feelings.

Who knows how long that will stay but I think moving on from the past and meeting someone new, hoping that meeting someone new can take things in a new direction. I think after all these years, a renewed feeling has finally set in place. This may be a short time feeling but I feel like there is that emptiness is no longer there. Although nothing is official yet and she has yet to decide whether or not things will go further or not; it makes me smile and feel warm knowing that she knows I care. Being with someone who has an emotional instability is difficult and tricky. I have been there many times and it doesn’t always end well. Long distance relationships don’t work out because the lack of physical contact or not being able to spend time together creates a very large gap in between the two.

Even if things end up not going well and it has to stay as a friendship; a part of me is settling with the past and the energy that is pushing me forward is there to keep me supported. Finding my ground again and relinking myself to new friends and rebuilding friendships with old friends is always helpful. It has been a few long years but I look forward to stepping out of the darkness that once kept me all balled up. 2010 and 2011 were some pretty rough years, however, I am moving my way through it now and it is a really good feeling and place of mind.

I look forward to what the days to come hold for me. I have settled with the reality and facts of it now. If you want to slip away and no longer be friends that is fine by me. I can’t just keep trying to care and want to be hopeful of restoring a friendship that was never meant to hold. As I look through the past and the present; the way you and I are, we would eventually clash. We don’t think of things the same way and I will eventually pick at you for the short sightedness of things. That is where I leave off and start this new road and chapter.

Positive energy

Around the start of the Summer I started trying to get into bed early.Throughout the years one of my biggest problem is sleep deprivation. The lack of sleep pulls me down and lets the emotional stress get in. Which leads to a cycle of not getting proper sleep, feeling worn out and not being able to do anything. However, things have been doing better in the recent months 

and getting into bed early has provided a much needed boost in energy.

It is a enjoyable feeling having my mind back on track. I do not feel as flustered or empty on a regular basis. Getting up in the mornings and enjoying the wake up, making breakfast and the lot is very relaxing. Restoring my energy has been a top priority for years and I am very happy to be on the right track now. Onward to some news.

In the last two months I've had a few slow moments but it has also been filled with some good events happening throughout the month. For the people who know me, I play paintball quite a bit on the weekends but I also help promote a local company here in Vancouver, BC that sells paintball markers. Ever since they released their new flagship marker the MILSIG Paradigm Pro, I have been working on reviews, details and general information for the marker itself and helping promote the niche market of magazine-fed play within the paintball community which has been very exciting for me. It is the first time I am getting into doing some reviews and interviews by video and testing out on how to do reviews or instructables via my DSLR. I look forward to doing more and hope to pick up some sponsorships from MILSIG for events.

All in all, post-summer season is coming along and all I have to do now is keep up with school work and exercise and the rest will be smooth sailing. All the best! 

Burning blubber!

    Past month has been blubber burning! It feels really great and it is really nice to slowly tune myself and get back into shape. Look forward to the rest of the year and with school coming. :).

A positive outlook for the day.

    Today was filled with some decent productivity. Did some studying and worked on a logo for an engraving that will be done in about a month or so. However, I am a little bit worried about the complex details in such a small area.

Anyways, I had a good day today. Went for a decent round on the exercise bike then went off for a shower and a bath. I am rather relaxed this evening, I think I am going to wrap it up and call it a night soon. Got to keep the energy going and roll with it. Probably will write something an article up tomorrow and think about plans for the rest of the month.

Hope everyone is enjoying the summer. Fireworks at the end of the month! Photo time!.

Good night,
Shroker

Fixing the loose ends.

    As April looms to a closing end, I look back and realize I have to hurry it up. Since January up to now I have been slowly working out various issues. I thought I would have it all pat down by February but that is not the case. I am still struggling with school because of my lack of energy. This results in me not being able to focus properly and is the same reason why I have not kept up with my exercise program because of the physical drain.

    When you spend whatever last bit of energy you contain in keeping yourself afloat. Trying to ward of cravings, the body wanting to eat because it feels like it does not have enough energy, Fighting past it and making progress. I just hope that it isn't too late to fix it all. With the way schools and jobs are based on such specifics. It feels disheartened to try cause I've pretty much trashed my transcript over and over and over. However, my passion to learn and taking schooling won't burn out any time soon.

    Everyone goes through different ups and downs. Different reasons behind them which sometimes makes a simple problem become a bigger one; more than it should. Our mental psyche comes into question when presented with said problems. Our personal values come into effect and how we have interacted with the problem or person(s).

I have very few close friends and even then there are not many I share certain personal details with. I can be a really weird person at times and a bit unusual when I'm run down and low on energy.

Start of a good trend.

    Since the start of Feburary I have been making the effort to put my plan that I have been trying to widdle and work at for many years. One of my biggest problems is never getting enough sleep and this has been an issue for a very long time. Staying up through gaming did not help and it often kept me awake which prevented me from falling asleep right away. Not to fret though as I have ended most of my nights at around 1030 and settle down by 1130. Everything has been shaping up pretty well for me, truth be told. I have had some ups and downs that have really gotten me down but I am fighting through it like usual.


    I have fantastic friends and honestly, without them, without the people I have met over the years; all this would have been really hard. My family and my friends have been my support but the biggest of them all, is of course, my parents. They have given me everything I need to work through my troubles. Ensuring that my quality of happiness is present. 2010 and 2011 probably marked a turning point in my emotional and health well-being. I was all over the place and I could not focus properly. The strange part is that as I think into the past, I was so entangled in being alone and not having close friends at the time I grew extremely attached to someone who was once very close to me.Long story short, this left me very troubled and unfocused with my studies and personal life.


    Comes New Years of 2012 I stay down with myself and cracked open all my journals that I wrote in during the course of the two years. My rants, my emotional offload, my day (when I did write in them) to day thoughts and told myself that it is time to move on. The past is the past once again and we all have to move forward.
Since the start of the new year I have taken on a more indicative self-confidence and it has worked out. Being  confident in yourself allows yourself to put trust into your choices. Taking those steps and pushing yourself forward grows you stronger. Take what you have learned through your experiences and apply it forward. Don't let it waddle you down. It has been a busy and rough start but I have been getting my sleep in and sorting out all the different issues that accumulated to my various emotional states. However, this year has been a clean and very fresh start. I have made many different improvements and constantly reminding myself to put myself first. Friends will understand when you say no to them that you cannot join them or if you have prior obligations. I spend less time worrying about that now.


    The key ingredient is staying positive and keeping your head high. We all go through our various emotional states and problems. One needs to find time between all the chaos to sit down and review the past and the present. Think about how you can change and grow from what has happened. Sometimes we will continue to stride into the same watery situations but that is alright because we want to try. The question and test is how we handle the aftermath. Moving along, I am preparing to make some major changes and it will involve in me being more productive. Resisting the urge to game at night and getting work done.

How is everyone else doing for the new year?.



Austin

Wondering

    Hold our heads high and think positively when we can.Trying to get into bed early is not as easy as it shapes up to be. Still having some issues saying no to people when I should get going. Today is going to be busy as I have to study for m test on Monday. Last weekend to be lazy then got to get into full gear.

Good luck everyone,
Austin

Waves

Climbing forward little by little.
It isn't easy when you're constantly fighting with yourself.
Old habits are really hard to break and over the course of the last two years it has been a lot of up and downs.
Don't think it would have been possible without the great and loving support of my family and friends.

There has been a lot of ups and downs but things are definitely going forward now. Chipping away at it little by little. School is coming along and studies and readings have been doing well. Sluggish in keeping off the gaming though but improving in comparison to before. I need to shape up the studying as things are going to start getting busy.

NERD MODE ON!.


Austin

0730 Wake-up

I managed to get up at 0730 (7:30AM) this morning but I slept at 1 so kind of off and I have paintball today. That could be an issue.

Gotta go back , shower and shave.

No time to finish this post hahaha.

Take care all!.

Adjusting sleep.

Trying to adjust sleep for 11PM is a bit difficult as there always seems to be something distracting me. Let it be a game or reading material. Chatting is fine cause I can do that in bed haha.

Hmmm.

Blargh?

Couldn't get to sleep last night for some reason. Not sure why, maybe too many thoughts on my head. Trying to adjust to my 2200 hour sleeping schedule is hard.

Austin

Dusting out the computer.

Computer is super dusty. Nice quilt of grey.

USB Host controller

The USB host controller for my computer is not responding :(.
None of the USB devices are being detected at BIOS. Not sure what happened =/.

Austin

Ding dong.

   I start school tomorrow and I look forward to a fresh new year. I have reconnected with old friends and I hope for something more to grow from the friendship. All in all, 2011 was a long and tough year. It involved a lot of up and down moments and I had a very terrible start to my 2011 year. I took the year off so I could re-coup and try to take my mind off things. Sort out myself psychologically and work out the various issues I had. They still exist but my mind is in a better mindset then before and tomorrow will be the first step into this new reality I am going to try to work at.

   I hope I am ready to take this on again but I am starting things light just like before. Give yourself too much on one plate and you'll mess it all up. Probably add some more to this later.
I wish everyone best of wishes for the days to come.

Hoping to tentatively get into bed by around 2200. (10:00PM)


Austin

Here is to a new start.

Here is a new start to 2012. A brand new year and the clock is ticking. The previous year was a chance to wrap things up and its time to get things on the move.

This place will act as my journal and where I will write my journal content when I sit down and open it up to post them in this collective world. Don't fret though, The Journey of Shroker is the main site and is sort of not connected with this blog but I will have a link on there to here. My main blog is, well my main blog.

This will grow with my just like Xanga grows with me. Over the days and months we will look back and think "Those are the times".

Anyways, time to go to the bank. Thought I would whip something up as a introductory post. As most of the posts people find here will be in the first person view.

Its usually only the posts I write as a "blog post" I will likely share to my page.

Happy New Yesrs everyone!


Austin